Quote for the Month

"Sons of bitches.......Bumpuses!"

-- Father from "A Christmas Story"

Again!

By the way...

Hope you all had a happy and safe holiday. Good luck for 2006.

Something Else.....

Nice to see that all the people who drove around in the two weeks prior to the holidays in a clueless stupor have finally extricated the heads from their asses or layed off the egg nog.

I have never see such a poor display of vehicular operation this side of a go kart track.

Starks the Herald Angels Sing

Can it be that I have only posted two things in December? That seems odd. Anyway.... MSG Network carried "Vintage Knicks" games on Christmas Eve. I watched a few snippets of them, then I watched the current Knicks and needed a drink or twelve. Has it really been that long since that team had a chance to win? What a bassackward team they are now. I'm sick at being reduced to watching vintage Knicks games to get to see a victory.

O Canada

Has anyone with kids ever watched Daniel Cook on Disney? It’s a show for small kids, they seem to like it. Daniel is from Canada I presume. He goes to the zoo or shopping or rides a horse. Stuff kids like to do. Ol’ Daniel probably has more money than Pete will ever have so I guess that’s why I have changed the words to his theme song.

“This is Daniel Cook, he’s a dork, he’s a geek, he is a friggin’ freak. He makes dumb faces in many places, I wish I had a gun….. He’s Daniel Cook. "

" Thank You for Making Money for Me, May I Please Verify Your Documentation on This I-9 Form?

I haven’t blogged anything in a long time. It has been very busy. Work is at an all time high in terms of how busy this joint actually is. Does that translate into salary? Nah. I doubt it. Anyway, here we go.

Winter has arrived, all the dicks are out doing their Happy Holidays shopping (say Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Heywood Jablowme Day) or whatever you want to call it. Mark has a funny story related to this that I wont ruin for him. Ever notice that the people shopping are just rude? They’ll stab you with a nut pick if you stand and linger over the Dora the Explorer toys too long. Forget about trying to get a train sat or something, they’ll pull out the ol’ Gattling Gun for that.

I went to Barnes and Noble the other day with the kids. There were a few kids playing with the Thomas the Tank Engine stuff. Their Mom was with them. My kids jumped on into the fray. The one kid says “ I want that one,” pointing to one of the boxcars my daughter has scratched out. The Mom says, “ I don’t like that word want. Do you WANT to give something to charity?” To which the boy said, “No.” Uhhh? Wha?

Then the boy keeps whining. The Mom says, “ Does your teacher put up with stuff like that?” “No,” came the reply. “Then why do I?” “Because you have to.” That got a chuckle out of me. Mom says, “ What did he say, because I have to, that’s real funny.” I said, “It’s pretty funny to me,” as I looked at my children playing very nicely. Mom took herself and her two asshole kids out of the store. Hope you get a new Mom for “Happy Holiday” you two turds.

I worked in a “Childrens Playplace that has all sorts of games and whatnot for children to play and also serves food and beverages to children and dispenses shiny little tokens.” We had quite a job there. Let me say this: It was by far the most unsanitary and foul place I have ever been in. I shall never, ever set foot in there without first putting on a Tyvek suit.

A Mr. D. McGovern has installed Anti Virus on my computer thus making it slower than if it was infected with the Ebola Virus and melting into pixels on my desk. Every two seconds it is loading update this, update that, update to number 16. I mean Jesus H. Holiday, give me a good ol’ Trojan Horse Virus anyday over all that crap.

I went to out annual Holiday Party. At the same tired place, at the same tired time, with the same old crap. If it is there next year I will not go. I think I blogged about it last year so it is most likely detailed in that entry so, “Ditto.”

I worked the last few days at a hospital and have probably breathed in 70 times the TLV of Fe(from the periodic table of elements). Nice, guess I wont have a deficiency, but maybe I’ll have an iron lung. While there I was also overdosed with bullshit.

So the story goes: Until I choose to finish it.

Unspeakable Horror Again

So they came by this past Friday, Black Friday. They were the people from the Bureau. They were looking into what happened to Archie. They came the day after Thanksgiving, and they wanted to know what happened. It had been close to a month since Archie met his demise in front of that apple truck.

They came and did forensics on the area where it happened, measuring angles of descent, condition of the grass, the height of the wall, etc… Perhaps the most disturbing test involved smacking cadavers against a huge rock at terrific force. It was horrific, but in the name of science.

Poor Archie, the evidence of his demise is still present on the roadway despite the snowfall of last week and the road being plowed and salted.

Croissant? WTF For?

BWWWWHAAAAAAHAAAA!

Happy Thanksgiving

Nice Golden Brown Bird-$25.00
Vegetables-$15.00
Cranberry Sauce- $2.00
Beverages- $ 10.00
Adult Beverages- $50.00
________________________

TOTAL= $102.00

Saving money not buying pay for view boxing- $ 49.99
Learning new verbal warfare- $15.00
The theraputic value of laughter-$40.00
_________________________

TOTAL= $ 104.99

Looks like well make $2.99 on Thursday

The Fart Machine is Possessed

There is a meeting here today. A meeting where we will just discuss various nonsense and budgetary stuff. I have taken the liberty of bringing in the "fart machine" for my listening pleasure. You control that fart machine via remote control and it farts when you press the button. However, due to some quirk of the environment or atmosphere, it just sets itself off from time to time. That should make for better potty humor for me.

Maybe "fart machine" isn't politically correct. How are these:
Mechanical wind machine, flatuation station, the whistling pucker, the burping starfish, the blasphemous breezer, the gas pump, the ....................

Try This

Yummy.

I'd Like Some Bullshit on My Pizza

I was in the pizza joint today with Mark as we waited for his lunch. We had just barely sat down and we were so delighted to be able to overhear these pearls of wisdom. There were two guys at another table, one was a plain looking guy who we won’t mention anymore because he was just listening. The other guy, who looked like he had stolen the clothes off of a corpse, was the big smeller, uh, I mean talker. It went like this:


“……… my mentor said, better to have a sparse existence, than one above your means. You know, live off of what you have. These young people in these big houses, with mortgages, maybe two of them, the housing market going bad, you are going nowhere. These people have credit card debts, car payments, whatever else. And these spoiled kids got to college and get 2 or 3 degrees, their parents pay for, throw them out of the house and let them rot in the gutter. You know what a credit costs at Local Community College? $800.00 a semester ** EDITORS NOTE: Pure bullshit!** A person with an IQ of over 130 can’t go to college unless there are upper middle class. There are autistics and dyslexics that are really smart that can’t go to school. **EDITORS NOTE AGAIN: Since when did genetics take heed of socioeconomic status?**

I don’t really remember the rest, maybe Mark does. I was kind of surprised at the blatant vocal ignorance of this dirty guy. I snuck a peek at him again, a long enough peek to get a look at his “wild looking lazy eye” and his huge black winter boots with tan polyester dress pants tucked into the top. I briefly wondered if he was a character in Fargo.

The pizza was done and we left. I was thinking about thanking him for enriching my life with his wisdom, but my head hurt from 5 minutes of getting dumber by the second. So with “taht I tankh you for listneing to my stuphid nonsense.”

If I was ever fortunate enough to become a very powerful man, I might consider forced sterilization.

Should Have Known

The Knicks lost to the Lakers. Half expected that. Good thing is I like the way the Knicks play D. I would have been a bit happier if someone would have knocked Kobe down a few, twelve, times as he drove the lane. Overall I'll give them a C+, but I am biased having cut my basketball teeth on the Ewing, Oakley, Doc Rivers, Derek Harper type of defense. You think Kobe would have drove the lane if Oakley was under there. Remember what they used to do with Pippen sans Jordan?

FEMA

One of the workers here calls the boss FEMA.

Why you ask?

"Because he shows up after everything is done."

That is the funniest thing I heard all day.

What I Did Yesterday

I had the pleasure of having my daughter with me yesterday for about 30 minutes before we picked up her brother at school. It isn't too often that I am just with her. I asked her if she would hold my hand while we were driving in the car. I reached back to her carseat and she took my hand in her little hand and held it. I couldn't think of anything that I would have rather been doing at that moment. The limitless supply of love that a small child has is what keeps you young. Soon enough she will not want to hold my hand or be seen with me. I'll take whatever I can get and remember it always.

Phil Jackson is a Penis

Phil Jackson has admitted that he used the Knicks as leverage for the Lakers job.

Gee Thanks Phil! We all didn't know that when you first took your sorry song to NYC last summer.

Please stay out there and take Charlie Rosen with you.

I hope to see a vision much like this picture tonight on my television at about 10:15. At 10:16 the camera will cut to you rubbing your flavor saver and wishing you were home with Jeannie Buss you douche.

Hazzard County of The Union

If you ever looked in the card catalog at the library for an inane title like “ridiculous shit” or “totally asinine” you might be apt to come across with this stuff.

If you look back in my blog there is an entry Free Speech vs. Offensive BS. If you read the link you’ll see that some jerk distributed some racist stuff to the local populace, threw some literature around at some of the schools and in some neighborhoods. The Superintendent of Schools called the cops they took a report. The local newspaper picked up on it and wrote an article about it. The Police Chief said that there was a problem a few years back with a certain someone and they knew who he was. The individual was identified as a “white supremacist.” They should have left it alone.

Move forward a week or so later. A white teenager is assaulted just off of school grounds. He is assaulted by another teenager, who is a person of color. His friend tried to help him and is also assaulted. The person committing the assault was arrested.

Go further forward in time. Another white teenager is assaulted, again by a person of color.

In both instances there were some words exchanged between both parties involved. Once the white kid was called a “neo nazi” and once the kid was apparently called a “whigger.”
Neither term is a complement.

The individual who was identified as a “white supremacist” approached on of the kids mothers. He puts her in touch with a guy who has an internet radio show and website. She says that there are hate crimes being committed at the school. He takes it and runs with it. He wants to have a protest, by whatever means necessary, he wants action. He schedules something, but it never comes off, he says it is a hoax and that he did it to see what would happen and keep the community off guard.

The mother has since said that she did not intend to cause this kind of furor and was mislead.

Move forward with me to this Saturday November 19,2005. There is supposed to be a demonstration outside of the high school by this group who are protesting under the guise of “these crimes are hate crimes against whites and we will not tolerate this.” There is supposed to be a counter protest at the same time. Will anything happen? I have my doubts. Will there be a protest? A semblance of one. People are talking about staying inside, going out of town, and pretty much making up their own stuff.

Here is what I think:

Somebody distributed this literature and got a rise out of the school. The Police Chief made a stupid comment and implied some sort of guilt to this guy they had trouble with a few years before. The guy didn’t like this. He said on the local newspapers web forum that someone had come to his house and had committed an act of vandalism, to add insult to injury. Now I don’t care if this guy is or is not a “white supremacist,” but his house is his house and it should not be vandalized. Maybe I don’t agree with his beliefs, but it is his right to express himself, provided he doesn’t violate the law.

Anyway, this guy has some sort of connection with these groups. These two assaults take place. He jumps in and fans the flames a) because he feels like it b) he believes in the cause c) he wants justice d) who knows…. Anyway, he puts “mama” in touch with this guy, they set this thing up and people get scared.

Do assaults happen at schools? Yes, they do. Do assaults happen between different ethnicities? Certainly. Do teenagers say stupid stuff? Absolutely. Do we have a race issue here? Only if you choose to spin it that way.

My high school recollection may be a little hazy, but there were 3 or 4 fights a week, and they were not race related, but I must say that the school was 97% Caucasian. However, if it was 50/50, I have no doubt that there would be fights between all ethnicities, because that is, after all, the nature of high school.

Somebody is advancing his or her (after all we cannot assume that this person is a man for that would be sexist) own personal agenda. They stirred the pot, got a reaction, a little news coverage, two assaults took place, they latched on, a protest, recognition, two more minutes of fame, a small city with politicians that stumble over each other at every opportunity. The lure was the “propaganda” that was circulated. The “leaders” bought into it hook, line and sinker.

Look back at what I said, “don’t validate their twisted point.” How about “keep it quiet and find out who did it” or “they provoked you and got a response.”

This isn’t rocket science guys, it is sociology on the most basic level.

Someone fished, you bit, now you have something to contend with. I hope that if it happens at all it is peaceful. I’m tempted to go, but don’t want to be associated with any of it. There is too much rhetoric being bandied about.

I hope it rains like hell on all of you.

Who's Your Scott Farkas?

In an anonymous place yesterday………..

“Why did you bring that baby in here?” said the grubby looking first grader.
“Wha?” was my startled response.
“Why did you bring that baby in here? I don’t like babies!”
“Yeah, OK,” I said.
“I don’t like babies, why di?”
“Look, maybe babies don’t like you either, so be quiet. For a kid that goes to Catholic School, I don’t think that is very nice, so just stop it. You are just a rude kid, rude.”

At which point said baby said “yeah rude, rude.”

Nice.

Yeah- The Department of Labor vs. The Department of the Unemployable

I don't wish anyone to be jobless. If you are, I'm sure that some of you would rather be working. My rant is about those who choose to be unemployed and then go to cry to the government that they are unemployed. I'm sure that if you look you will find something you are able to do. Instaed people go to the DOL and say, " they fired me, I don't know why?" Maybe you neglected to tell them that you went AWOL from work for a week? Maybe you didn't tell them that you told the person who you are working for an outright lie? Maybe you didn't say that you could never work afternoons, nights or weekends, but that you could just work between the hours of 8:15AM to 9:30, but only on days when it didn't rain or on days that is was fully sunny?

But who helps them out? The Department of Labor. Enables them. Entitles them. Makes the employer justify why the employee was let go, then awards them the compensation anyway.

Again, people become unemployed, unemployment is to help you while your are down, but only until you get up. It isn't there to be a crutch for you to lean on forever. Same goes for welfare. People are dealt some harsh realities and welfare is there to help them, but it is not meant to be constant sustainance.

Yes, I said it because I believe it.

The NUTTmeg State

I think George W. gets an unfair shake sometimes, but this is a funny sign, it would be funnier if it was actually a sign and not a photshop montage.

I guess they should be happy he didn't close the Groton Sub base.

Knick Knocks

Whoa! That was a horrible display of basketball last night. Worse than the Dan Dickau destruction of 1/11/05. Can you make a free throw, handle the ball, use your head a little? Larry Brown looked so pissed, I thought he was going to pull out his catheter and stomp on it.

One item to note: Jamal Crawford should not just start the game on the bench, he should remain there.

Blogs of Note

Anyone who uses Blogger has seen the Blogs of Note links on the dashboard. I've looked at a few and I wonder who picks them out. Funny thing is most of them, not all, seem to be pretty average. I've seen some that were good, some that were really well done, and some, well, they just sucked. I like Marks Five Random Blogs thing, his evaluations are truthful.

The Blogs of Note Phenomenon is perplexing. I read one blog where people just comment how great the author is and I wonder to myself if the author just puts their own comments in there. I doubt that is the case, but ... I've seen people offer to meet each other to discuss "book deals" and such on the in the comment forum. I guess if you can glean that information from a blog entry of 2,000 words, you are in the right line of work.

I guess I just look at it that way because about 6 people have viewed this blog since I put the site meter in it.

The Pumpkin Chronicles

I told my son what happened to the pumpkin, it went like this:

"Do you know the pumpkin that had the beer bottle in its mouth?"

"Yes."

"He drank too much and fell off the porch and rolled into the road and got hit by a car."

"Oh No!"

"What do you think about that?"

"I think it is pretty bad."

"I think you are right."

Finally!

Basketball season has officially started. Hopefully The Garden will be rocking this year.

The Horror

It was a beautiful Halloween evening. Small children were moving through the neighborhood, collecting candy. There was no moon visible on this Halloween and most of the trees still had their bright colored leaves. The night was unusually warm and gave no hint of the horror that was to come and the forces that would conspire to take a life in its prime.

I awoke to find what was left of him in the road. A flattened mess of guts and gore. He had been struck by a vehicle and the force of the impact had elongated his squat frame. He had been lying there for awhile judging by the moisture that had gathered by his corpse. Surprisingly, were no skid marks.

I have pieced together this accident as best as I can. Here is my version of it, it may be too gory for the average reader. Read on at your own risk.

“He was a drunkard. He enjoyed his beer and liquor. Occasionally he got into the harder stuff like Mad Dog 20/20 and Wild Irish Rose. On this evening he was watching the kids going up and down the street trick or treating and drinking Pacifico. After 8PM the kids left the neighborhood and he opened the twist top on his tenth beer in the last two hours. The bottle stuck out of his maw at a grotesque angle as he sat there with a wise ass smirk on his face. He was teetering back and forth on the railing of the porch as he worked on number twelve.

He saw what looked like a bird fly into the chimney, and as he craned his head to see what it was, he fell backwards off of the porch railing.

The force of the five foot fall shattered the back of his head with a sickening sound, the bottle lay next to him, spewing its contents onto the grass. Fate conspired against him yet again. The front lawn is a hill and he rolled gathering momentum on his way down the lawn. He was semi conscious at the time, but couldn’t move enough to combat gravity. He rolled further down the lawn, hitting a small rock and losing a piece of his head. Then he got to the wall. It is only three feet tall. He fell off of it, again smashing into the hard ground. He rolled another three feet and was lying in the road, unconscious from falling off the wall.

What happened next, he doesn’t know, thankfully. A truck delivering apples from the cold storage place down the road, hit his motionless body sometime that night. I’ll guess that at least 9 of its 18 wheels hit him. He was dead. There was nothing anyone could have done at all. It was too late. When I found him in the morning there was nothing I could do but scrape him off the road and thrown him into the weeds. Wasted life, cut down in his prime.”

He was “Archie,” my albino pumpkin, that rolled into the road, and was squashed like the fat gourd that he was. At least he went out in a blaze of glory.

Rest in Pieces my hollowed out friend.

Free Speech vs. Offensive B.S.

First read the below link.

http://www.dailyfreeman.com/site/news.cfm?BRD=1769&dept_id=74958&newsid=15461387&PAG=461&rfi=9

Now read this.

I find the fact that somebody distributed swatstikas outside of schools and private residences as cowardly. I do not condone this, however, it does not upset me either. I'm sure that when I recheck this article in the paper there will be a public outcry. Who did this? I have no clue. My guess would be that it was done by a bunch of kids screwing around, their thinking being"man a swatstika is cool." Well, I guess it is cool from a design standpoint, but its association with Nazi Germany is not.

In reading the article, you glean that this was random and that they will attempt to find out who did this. That would be good if done on a local level, federal? That's just dumb. My beef is with the selective enforcement. Derek answered them on the webforum and I agree with him. If you are going to go around and attempt to find who is responsible for violating the Vehicle and Traffic Law, then you had better hire more police. It is true. There is always something being left on cars, most of the time, you take it off the window and throw it out and enough said, but this is a related issue. Why the big deal?

What about this? Wouldn't it have been wise for the schools to call the police, but not have this publicized? Why serve notice that you have been offended? Keep it quiet, look for who did it, but don't validate their twisted point. You just gave whoever did this a sounding board. You gave them reason to do it again. They provoked you so you responded back in a larger forum. How stupid is that?

BTW: Dereks blog is at http://blog.megacity.org

Massachusetts Turnpike Smokes Hog

I have a good story for y'all. I took my kids on a trip to a museum in Massachusetts this past weekend. Most of the eastern seaboard has this thing called EZ Pass where you pay tolls for the highway via a small transponder that is mounted on your windshield, well Ma. is no different, except they call it Fastpass. It works the same way. You have a choice of lanes to go to. You can go to an EZPass only lane, a full service lane or an exact change lane. New York is like that, New Jersey is like that. Ditto Delaware,Maryland,Virginia,West Virginia and any major airport in New York State. It is even like that in Ma; except for the line I got into on the way home after driving halfway through the state.

I'm in the left lane, it is raining heavily and I come to the toll barrier. Three lanes are open, far left, middle and right (but the light is out in the right hand one). So I elect to stay left and go to full service. As I roll through at under 5MPH the guy yells "Hey!" I stop. He tells me so nicely," This isn't a Fastpass lane!" I said,"Why not?" "Cause it's not!" "There are signs that say it can be used in any lane." "Not in Massachusetts!" "Yes, in Massachusetts." "$3.50." "You want me to give you $3.50." "Yes." "No, why should I give you $3.50." "You have to." "Why should I? Go press the button and I'll be on my way."" Well, go then, you'll just pay it later." "Maybe or maybe not jerk, now go back in your booth Willie."

My son says, "Dad, why is that guy yelling at you?" I said, "Because some people are just born jerks."

"That's it, I'm coming out of da booooothhhhhhha!"
-- Adam Sandler as "Tollbooth Willie."

http://www.zug.com/pranks/turnpike/

Hehehe

http://www.collegestories.com/storyview.aspx?sid=381


Open this link and you'll know of what I speak. This is some funny stuff.

Ass

HEE HAW! HEE HAW


HE HE HE HEHONKEY ONKEY ONKEY!

Don Quixote Spots Another Windmill

" and the world keeps on spinning..................."

"I'm asking you to do it on Sunday if he can't do it on Saturday." "Why don't you just tell them to fuck off, we don't do Sundays." "Just do it, I'll give whoever Monday off." "I'll see, but..." "Well I don't know what else to do, but I'll be doing this other job, I don't know why they call at the last minute to get these things done." "Because they're assholes," I said. "One of you two has to do it, I don't have anyone else, we have to do this." "Yeah,ok, I'll see," I stated, feeling like an violin that has been passed down from generation to generation.

I ended the call and Don Quixote moved on in serch of another windmill to fight.

Don Quixote

“Here, you take this, it’s Joe,” she said. “Yeah Joe,” I said as I picked up the phone. Joe said, “Listen, I got a call from XYZ Construction, they want us to do a job on Saturday.” I listened incredulously. “Joe, you told me that if you ever wanted to do business with XYZ that I should shoot you,” I said. A snicker went up from an anonymous person. “Yeah I know, but the guy called and he had nobody to do it for him,” came the reply. “Well, did they pay for the job we did in July?” “No, but the guy said they were going to.” “Screw them,” I said. “Pete, he has nobody else to do it, he doesn’t know what happened, he has only worked there for a little while.” “ Joe! You told me that we will do no business with XYZ period!” “ I know, I know, but the guy needs help, can you do it Saturday?” “No I can not. I am unavailable on Saturday.” Well, ask Mark, of he can’t do it then I’ll do it.” “Ok, but I would suggest to you that before you commence work on this job that you demand payment for the previous job and current job, up front.” “Yeah, yeah….”

I hung up and held my head. “ You know, he is like a guy in a phone booth chasing dollars that are swirling around him,” I said. “No he’s not,” came the reply, “he’s like the donkey that didn’t want to walk up the hill. So what did they do, they hung a carrot on a stick and put it in front of the donkey and he walked up the hill.”

I think that sums it up exactly.

A Walk Down Koenig Drive

So – Here it is, a Thursday morning, and I am on the telephone with the everlovely New York State Department of Taxation and Finance. I paid them Income Tax that was due and they cashed the check, and it was for an amount under $100.00. Anyway, I get a letter in the mail that essentially says, “you are supposed to pay your taxes, we can do this to you and we can do that to you, and we will just pretty much fuck you in the ass.”

Highly annoyed I am I tell you as I sit here and listen to their “musak” interspersed with a gentleman saying “your call is important to us as we would like to get our grubby little hands on all your money because our state is so ass backward that we waste money every single day on things like the governors imported toilet paper.” So I’m still waiting as I type this, feeling my blood pressure rise with each passing minute. I think my head might just explode and add a reddish stain to the already water damaged tile of the ceiling. Wait a minute—I hear the phone ringing--- please hold---

OK- looks like they cashed it, put it in the wrong place, “yes, we see it here, but we can’t access it, you need to contact the protest unit.” Yes, please proceed, I’d love to protest, I’m all about protesting you treating me poorly, sending me a threatening letter you fuc--- “Ahh yes, Ms. @$%#!!, I was transferred here because my tax payment has been put into the wrong account, yes I’ll give my Social Security Number again, I’ll hold.” “ Oh you see it, that’s good, a two step process, ok, I understand, really? Why? That seems kind of silly, borderline retarded, Oh, I’ll get a letter in the mail. Will it say that the Department is sorry? No? Why? That’s too bad, I was hoping for a letter from the Comptroller. May I please send the Department an invoice from my employer for a half an hour of billable time that I wasted because your offices are only open during my work hours and this needed to be addressed immediately? No? Why? I might be liable for the interest, that hardly seems correct? It should zero out. Well that would only seem right. Ok, Ms. @$%#!!, thank you for possibly straightening out this situation for me. Have a good day.”

Bite me!

I’m getting tired of this local government bullshit. I really have no qualms with the Federal Government, I understand that the United States thinks it is the worlds’ police power and we fight foreign wars because of it. I admire the soldiers for enlisting, even though most of them probably thought it was “just free college.” George W. has been dealt some serious crap, he’s probably handled it in the best way. Yes, I know FEMA is incompetent, we have a horrible war going on, we can’t find Tim Ossman, a.k.a. Osama Bin Laden. George W. has caused global warming, caused gay people to be insecure, secretly moved to have “Gilligan” die, I say this all in jest. He did the same as anyone would have done in the situations as they presented themselves.

Onto local government:

The county which I live in has just raised the tax levy 49%, the city, in which I used to live, raised taxes 9%, the mayor there gave himself a 15K raise, there are no well paying jobs forcing everyone to commute, the housing market has been driven up to astronomical heights because all the “cidiots” have moved up from the 5 Boroughs, gas is still expensive like everywhere else, and now all these election signs are up to vote for this guy or gal, and they just clutter up the landscape, and they are just all irresponsible douchebags, and the ones who are elected are all part of the “old boys network” or as put to me today, “an incestuous cesspool.” They get into fistfights at legislative meetings. Bullshit.

The roads are falling apart, yet you pay tolls to drive on some of them. Welfare, which I believe in for those who need it, is being abused. Same people in the same places, then they die and their kids take over, eventually, nobody remembers about it, and we name a street or a building at the local community college after them and say what nice people the were as they tore out the linings of the community’s collective pockets for the last half Century.

I digress again. I’m railing against the machine. Now, please excuse me as I go back to work, like you, so we can keep these jerks in office.

Are Those Your Blue Balls?

I was on the road this morning, Mark was driving. A Ford F- (whatever the fuck number) was in front of us stopped at the light. From the tow bar was suspended two blue scrote enclosed balls. Very funny. Funnier yet was that when the truck moved they both swung around in the most lifelike fashion. I was amused. More amusing would be if a woman was driving and that she had a mullett.

Much Delayed Knicks Post

I haven't written about the Knicks recently, probably because I had no idea what they were trying to do. I think I have a good general idea, but still not positive. So I had better make my prediction before it becomes hindsight.

Wins: 45 Losses: 37
All Stars: 2 (Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry)
Playoffs: First Round Exit

The team will be more defensive oriented thanks to Larry Brown and will not go through so many droughts on the offensive end. They will have to play team ball to win these 45 games, if they don't they will only win 35, if they gel early and remain on track, maybe closer to 50 games. Still too flawed to make a deep run in the post season, but better than the last few years of the lottery.

Change of Weather

I just realized that I haven't written anything in awhile, so I apologize to the three people who read this. I have been really tired this past week or 10 days. I think it has to do with the change in the weather.

It has been absolutely miserable here for the last few days. Heavy rain all weekend. There was no way to do anything outdoors. It is raw and grey, just generally disgusting Seattle type weather. Last nice day was Thursday of last week. That and today is a pseudo holiday and I am at work, and I appear to be the only one at work

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!!

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag zum besten und schönsten Mädchen, das ich kenne. Lieben Sie Baby!!

Overheard in Clintondale

This discussion happened while I was eating tonight

Anonymous person #1-- Where is the cup?
Anonymous person #2-- Wha?
A #1-- The thing to put my tea bag on! You take it?
A#2-- I guess

Do this if you want to laugh. Go to www.urbandictionary.com and type in teabag.

Jets Bring Back Vinny

The Jets brough back Testicleverde! I'm thinking of switching my allegiances to San Diego. At least Vinny can throw the ball downfield.

Geez, Golly,Darn

"Gosh, I don't know why that mean man has it in fer' me y'all. I was just drivin', you know, making all those left turns one after another after another and I just got thinkin' 'bout what I could eat fer' dinner, an' I guess I just got in the side of 'em. Ya' know, racin' is racin', but to throw yer' helmut at me is just rude. Rude, rude, rude."

Standpipe

The guy with the straw cowboy hat leaned over as he sat on the siamese fire department connection. He has sat there for years, more than he can remember through his self induced alcoholic haze. They've rebuilt the sidewalk three times around him since 1978, each time removing the stains and mess that had accumulated there. He had a job, a house, a family once, now all he is left with is his bottle and that nagging pain, the pain that says he won't see the sidewalk built around him again.

His name is Paul and I can see him outside the office window right now.

Chad Flapped his Dumbo Ears

The Jets won in an ugly game. Whoo Hoo!

Cockroaches

I'm helping to organize a golf tournament and one of the things I do is try to get businesses to donate something so the organization can give the stuff away as prizes so the golfers who do well don't go away with just a trophy. I had a few gift certificates that I had to drop off, so I took off on the 5 minute walk down there. As I merge out onto the street, I am behind a 25-28 year old woman. I walk about 25 feet and a guy comes running up to her from across the street. She throws up her hand when he reaches 5 feet away and says " Derogatory Racial Term- The N Word--- Please!!" He stands there bewildered as I walk past. Go about 100 feet, a guy in his parked car beeps and yells "come here!" She looks over her shoulder and says "whatever!" I keep walking. Another guy comes up, again from across the street and says, "I'm really, really mad at you..." She puts her hand in his face and tells him to "shut up." All this and she doesn't break a stride. I stopped in a store and got a Coke. When I came out after maybe 30 seconds she was down the street. Still more suitors/friends/former lovers/unknown people continuing their procession to speak to her, all with no hope of suceeding with the Pied Piper of Main Street.

A Sorry State

Why do we, as a society, want children to grow up so fast. Born, home fast, daycare, crawl, walk, talk, playdates, cartoons, Baby Einstein, kids golf clubs, a baseball glove, a parents expectation level, Kindergarten at 5. “There is no time to be a kid anymore Johnny, would you please cook dinner and look after your sister? Maybe throw in a load of wash or two?”

I’m just as guilty as anyone else I’m sure, but I’m beginning to recognize some things that just aren’t that important when it comes to a childs well being.

Little boy x gets upset because little boy y is a bully. Little boy x comes home from school all wound up. It takes him 45 minutes to calm down. What do you do?

A little girl gets in trouble because she “should” be potty trained by 2.33 years old. Why?

Kids need to make the cross of the A hit the middle dotted line to get perfect penmanship. Why? Ever see a doctor write?

Kindergarteners get homework?? Why? They can’t get it done during the day?

Does anyone have any answers? Anyone? Anyone?

Heap that stuff on top of a 5 year old and no wonder kids take lithium, prozac, have ADD/ADDHD. Kind of sad when you think about it over time.

The Beet

I miss my "Beet."

Marks NBA Predictions

Mark has called me out on his blog, www.nctb.blogspot.com about the NBA and that I said Tim Duncan is overrated. He is, but that is besides the point. I look forward to him finding the time and handicapping the field. I'm realatively sure that he will be at least 90% accurate.

Here are a few quick things that I'll long for during the 2005-06 NBA season:

A Knicks-Bulls game on Christmas Day, Hakeem Olajuwon canning a jumper from the baseline, Karl Malone hitting Isiah Thomas in the head, Ewing hitting a turnaround, Reggie Miller making fun of Spike Lee, Jordan talking trash, hand checks, elbows in the back, Dennis Rodman and his hair, Scottie Pippen not getting off the bench, Charles Oakley and Barkley, Marv Albert, The Charlotte Hornets,Pat Riley on the sidelines at MSG, Larry Johnson baiting Alonzo Mourning to punch him, Larry Bird, Magic- pre retirement, John Starks wearing a plexiglass mask.

I'll think of more

Commute, What Commute?

I sat in traffic for 30 minutes. Those of you who sit in traffic for 2 hours would think 30 minutes was a blink of an eye, but considering the trip is usually 15 minutes it was a bigger deal for me. I usually don't consciously do it, but I found myself watching people in the lane next to me while I waited. Call it a quick Sociology case study if you will.

One thing I noticed was that people aren't taking care of their cars like they used to. Driving a few mor junkers around, but that is probably related to the economy.

Another thing I noticed was the amound of people who, while sitting in a car or SUV, most of which have 4 or 6 windows, plus windshield and rear window, pick their noses. What? That is akin to changing your clothes in a glass phonebooth (do they make them anymore?). Why? Thats just disgusting. I don't even want to think of what they do with....... Uh forget it.

I had a meeting to attend, which I made despite sitting in traffic, so I continued people watching and the next thing that struck me is the manner in which people dress. This was a meeting between peers, professionals if you will, business leaders, their designees, which is where I fit into this thing, but why doesn't anyone iron or wear a dress shirt or a tie?

So now I'm left wondering if this is a representative sample or if everyone was having a bad day?

And for some final advice, if anyone cares, picking your nose is just nasty, stop that! Kids do that, adults with college degrees should not.

J-E-T-S! SUCK,SUCK,SUCK!

JETS FANS MIGHT WANT PAUL HACKETT BACK-----------------------------------------
It has taken me a few days to fully recover from the beatdown that was levied upon the Jets this past weekend at the hands of the Chiefs. They seemed to be ill prepared to play any team but the JV team of the local high school, who might have whupped them anyway. Why would it have been any different than any other Jet campaign since Joe Willie won the Super Bowl? It wont be and here is why:

1) You play your "home" games at Giants Stadium.
2) Your Quarterback can't throw the ball well, no matter what they do to his shoulder. He isn't a deep threat.
3) The Offensive Line is overrated, by a lot.
4) Your Offense is predictable and slow, they look slow compared to other teams, they are slow, no way around that.
5) If the defense lets you down, you can't win.


Prediction- for the season- 6 wins, 10 losses.

Hopefully I'm way wrong.

Parochial School 2

My last post indicated that field trips at school were to be "curtailed." I thought about that more. It was suggested to me that "kids should not miss out." So with that in mind, I thought about it some more. Not because I'm a nice guy or anything, but because I don't want my son to miss out on something good, because his mom is a "newly converted Bible Thumper," I offered up $100 to help offset the price of petroleum. We shall see if they take my tithe.

My Rant on Parochial Schools and Field Trips

My son, may God smile on him favorably, has been sentenced by his mother to go to Catholic School. I went to Catholic School. I found roughly half of the population of the school to be very nice people during my 6, 7 with kindergarten, years there. The other half had no redeeming social qualities. Fights were more common than when I got to public school, threats were frequent. When I left the school to go public junior high, I found academic and social life to be much more in tune with the world. I came to the conclusion that most of those "bad" kids went to Catholic School because of their temperment. Big fish in a small pond type of thing.

I went to an open house last night at my sons' school and the flashbacks were horrific. Same type of building construction, classroom layout, sayings on the walls, even the pencils were the same. Imagine sitting all day in a clasroom with words floating around you like "Jesus is in our hearts and all of our teachings, Jesus is in all of us, Jesus is our savior, Jesus teaches, so we learn."

Yuck. Nothing like cramming the lord into a childs throat and asking him/her to fart out the holy spirit.

So the teacher speaks about discipline and stuff. Seemed tame enough. First strike was to be spoken to, second was to be spoken to more and third was a 5 minute timeout. Whoopie. I figured that for the third strike, they might at least be stuck about the face, head, neck, breast and chest. I jest. So I went over and looked at the polaroids of the kids and realized upon looking that the classroom distribution hadn't really changed, that the 50/50 rule still applied. I looked around at the parents and saw the same thing. The clincher for me though, when the obvious lesbian Mom spoke up and asked if her "partner" would be able to come in on Parents Day and the teacher, probably not understanding the true rules of the Catholic Church, says of course your partner can attend. "You should also note that while the church does not condone contaception, you can return your empty condom wrappers to the school to redeem them for classroom supplies."

Anyhow- there were to be several fieldtrips but those were curtailed, due to the price of gas. A Catholic School? No money, they tithe all the time. They pass the collection plate around on a lazy susan for for the love of "Jesus, who teaches, so we learn."

I hope it works out for him there. I hope it doesn't jade him, like it did me. I already talked to him about his "permanent record" and how that was all just bullshit. So, hopefully he'll know more than I did.

WTF I Say- WTFAAAACCCHHHH

I'm interviewing a guy today. Nothing abnormal about that. The doorbell rings at the back of the building, at the delivery door. I excuse myself and go back there, the guy is leaning on the bell. OK. I open the door, "yes, can I help you?" "Yeah I'm a customer" the guy says. " A customer of who?" "A customer, I want to walk through to the street." "Well, who are you?" "A customer." "From where, for whom?" "For me, I want to walk through." "Does this look like a hallway to you?" "Man, just let me walk through." "No, why don't you get the fuck out of here."

I'm at a loss. Does he really think that I would let his crack riddled ass walk through here?

Hopefully he hallucinates that a bus is a giant bumble bee and jumps in front of it to give it a hug!

The Doctor Punches Out

Some things just strike you funny. Read the wording of the last paragraph. How about "arrested for allegedly striking his girlfriend" or "arrested after an altercation with his girlfriend?" What a public relations piece!


August 9, 2005 -- Like father, like son.
Dwight Gooden Jr. has been busted again — after Florida cops found a plastic bag with 16 grams of pot and an illegal stash of .44-caliber cartridges in his car, authorities said yesterday.
The 19-year-old son of fallen former Met and Yank Doc Gooden already had been wanted for violating parole when he was arrested outside a Tampa club early Sunday. A spent shell was also found, cops said.
The troubled young man had been on parole since September 2004 after pleading guilty to two charges of cocaine possession. He violated parole earlier this summer, although it was not immediately clear how.
The elder Gooden, who battled a cocaine addiction for years, also has a history of run-ins with the law — most recently in April, when he was charged with domestic battery for allegedly punching his girlfriend in the face.

Boo Hoo Hoo-- I Had to WORK Last Week

I hate men that whine. My boss whines- “It’s not fair that I have to ……..work, pay taxes, pay employees, carry insurance, buy food to eat, breathe, crap, shave, pay to golf, don’t get this account, don’t get my way, have to buy tires, change the oil, etc…..

You can whine all you want to yourself, but don’t subject all of us to that. Seriously, if he tells me that “something isn’t fair” again this week, I’m going to throttle the living shit out of him. You think that would be fair asshole?

How’s this for fair? You make a lot of $$$$$. More than me. Yet you do substantially less on any given day. Is that fair? When is that last time I asked you for a raise, you fuckmook? Ahhh! Whatever. Bahhhhhh.

Speaking of John Daly....

I watched this made for TV prime time golf event a few weeks back. They billed John Daly as a "man of the people" and that he is popular because he is the "everyman". I like watching John Daly golf, but is the American everyman a guy who eats, drinks and marries to excess?

How it Oughta' Be

This is what I expect from my favorite basketball team. A team that plays in the Mecca of basketball should go for at least 60 wins annually.

Knicks Hire Larry Brown

I am an unabashed Knicks fan. Have been since the mid 80's. They were pretty bad back then, but were still exciting. They are bad now, maybe worse than back then because at least you knew that that team was going to get better.

Being a NYK fan, I have often disliked Larry Brown because it seems that his teams always gave the Knicks fits i.e. Ewings fingeroll miss to eliminate the Knicks, Indiana was the Knicks biggest rival besides Chicago with Jordan. The Sixers and Pistons under Brown also had their number.

I certainly prefer Brown to Phil Jackson. I think that Larry Brown will teach these guys how to play. Will they make the playoffs this year.... maybe, but get taken out in the first round. I like the fact that people have at least put their reputations on the line here. This marriage fails and Isiah and Brown are both gone and we go into a total rebuild, which is not the end of the world. After the last few years of watching these gimpy, soft, unintelligent teams run up and down the court trading baskets with teams, we might actually get some sort of polished game where someone actually plays a little D.

Expect half of these guys to be gone in 2 months:


Knicks Roster
2005-06 Roster
Trevor Ariza
Jackie Butler
Jamal Crawford
Channing Frye
Anfernee Hardaway
Allan Houston
Jermaine Jackson
David Lee
Stephon Marbury
Quentin Richardson
Nate Robinson
Malik Rose
Bruno Sundov
Michael Sweetney
Maurice Taylor
Tim Thomas
Jerome Williams

Good Luck Larry, nice to have you on our side! If you can polish this turd into a championship, I'll come to the ticker tape parade. Hopefully, you can do what Mike Keenan did for the Rangers.

Art or Not?

I've been interested in Art for a long time. I've gone to some galleries, small and large, viewed some of the Masters works and I keep coming back to the same question in my mind. What consitutes good art? I've seen some real junk out there and I've seen some amazing stuff as well. What makes something worthy of a $5.00 pricetag and what makes it worth $ 500.00. I'm at a loss. I've seen some kids scribble stuff that was priced at over a grand. So here is my experiment. The above piece was purchased from a gallery: How much did I pay for it? There is some texture to it and it is acrylic on canvas, with paper and varnish. It is approximately 24X16.

Beaseballs John Daly

I watched some of theYankee/Red Sox game last night. It makes for good theatre. Anyhow, can someone tell me if it was during the All Star break or before that Curt Shilling replaced David Wells as the teams’ “Biggest Fat Ass Keg Drinker”? I’m just curious, but Curt looked like he ate David Wells. I know you hurt your ankle, but lifting your fork to your mouth isn’t exercise. I’m happy you got shelled. Now hit the treadmill.

To stay with sports stupidity: Isiah Thomas--- what are you thinking? You get a center who averages 4+ points per game. I’m sure you could coax Ewing or Herb Williams to suit up and get 4 points out of them too. I really do think Carl Malone knocked you retarded when he elbowed you. Can anyone say Yinka Dare? Not you Mark, I know you know.

Sports tidbit I overheard this week: “ The Internet kept Derek Jeter out of the All Star Game!”

Social Commentary from the deli: “ It’s muggy out, but I don’t feel like being mugged.” Followed up by, “Are you ready to go? I need my Methadone.”

The Chamber of Commerce put the planters out front again. I water and feed the flowers. Wednesday, I found two condoms (unused and wrapped, thank God) in there with a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. As I got my rubber gloves, no pun intended, to get that stuff out of the flowers, I thought “drinking Mad Dog and then trying to use a condom must be the equivalent of taking a train to Penn Station, it gives you a headache and it lasts for fucking ever.”

It’s 10:15—Do you know where your boss is, the VP, the Secretary, the anyone, anyone, anyone…. I should have brought my sticks. Good day for golf.

Have a nice weekend.

The Scene Was..

I was walking down the street outside of work. Five guys are coming down the street towards me, I am marveling at how their attire looks to be of the thrift shop variety. It is 11:35 AM. One of them says in a thick Irish accent, "is there a bar down there?" I said, "what?" He says, " a bar, to drink." Except it sounds like "a baaaarghhhhhhh to drinkda." I said, "oh yeah, down there right by where they are doing construction." He doesn't say thank you or anything. The group moves off.

Kind of makes me not feel so bad that I sent them to a gay bar.

Somebody is 5!!

Happy Birthday Alexander! You are all I can ask for.

"I'll Have the Number Five, Hold the MSG."

I had this lovely experience in our parking lot the other day. I was bringing back a van. A truck was stopped and was blocking the road. I waited a few minutes, then decided I’d go around the block and enter at the other side. There was another truck blocking that part of the road. So I had to wait. A few minutes pass and the one truck moves so I can get into our lot, which is private, but has a shared entryway. Someone insists on parking on one side of the entryway, so it is tight. As I’m driving in the lady from the wig store (yes, the wig store) just absolutely HAS to walk out to the one truck out there, so to avoid hitting her I have to stop as she walks along the edge of the van. I then proceed into the lot, but I have to back up a bit because the van has a horrible turning radius. As I start to back up I check the mirror and see the same lady and this time with a guy walk right behind the van, so I apply the brakes again. Here is what transpired:

Me: Jesus Christ!
Guy: What?
Me: Don’t you see what I’m trying to do here?
Guy: Yeah!
Me: So why don’t you watch what you are doing? I had to stop for her on the ramp and now you walk right behind me?
Guy: Maybe you should watch what you are doing?
Me: Maybe you should go fuck yourself!
Guy: Well, you should watch out!
Me: I did, which is why I didn’t back over the two of you.
Guy: mumbling
Me: Do you have something to say? Say it! Say it now or shut the fuck up!
Guy: Why don’t you watch what you’re doing?
Me: Dick, look, I did watch, she was hellbent to get out of there and I had to wait, then you have to walk behind me like two assholes.
Guy: Well…
Me: Well nothing. Go inside and stuff it up your ass.
Woman: We just need to unload truck
Me: Great, super, go to work. Whatever.

I’m going to write a book. “The Joys of Work in the Armpit.”

Subway Queries?

Here are my obligatory comments on the Subway Series:
Both teams need some work. Willie Randolph certainly seems to have the guys at Shea playing a more exciting brand of baseball than Art Howe did last year. The Yankees are the more steady team, with that feeling of inevitability that they are always going to make a run at it. Which team is better? I’m not sure. The Yankees were this weekend by the numbers, but the Mets beat themselves. A win is a win. It was Yanks 2-1. Here it is though:

Friday Night: Sloppy game by both teams, Yankees win 5-2, overcome a rough inning for Jeter, and beat the Mets who have two errors on the right side of the infield in a single inning.

Saturday: A much cleaner game by both teams, Randy Johnson roughed up and Mets relief pitcher scores from second on a heads up play. Mets win 7-1.

Sunday: Again a sloppy game. Error by A Rod allows run to score, Pavano Ok, Martinez better. Two errors in same inning this time on left side of the infield dooms Mets. Yankees win.

Observations:
Yankees are too flawed (and old) to go too far into the post season. 3B,SS, 2B are fine, 1B is weak, C is ok, Sheffield is out, Williams is injured and old, Womack is fine, Matsui is their savior. Bench is average, Ruben Sierra? Giambi? Who else? Joe Torre might be younger than some of those guys. Pitching? Weak to say the least. At least the Red Sox did them a favor and signed that fat pig or he’d be giving them 1/3 of an inning too. What’s up with the trainer for Christ’s sake? Train what- his fork and knife on a 24 oz. porterhouse- that’s what! “Now announcing, the Yankee Trainer, Fat Bastard.”

Mets are too inexperienced to go far in anything right now. Pitching is ok 1 through 3 then it gets a little murky, Victor Zambrano sucks. Bullpen is beyond weak. Infield will be really good once they get over making those mistakes that come with youth. Outfield is good barring injury. Piazza is done, put a fork in that guy. Done, done, done, as in go home you are done. Retire. The bench- what bench? Who is on that bench? I can’t name one. Oh yeah I can- Eric Valent and Cairo- whatever. Oh and I admire Willie Randolph having the “no facial hair” rule in effect, but… The pitching coach, his hair sticks out of the back of his hat like a duck ass. He looks dumb as fuck.

My observations of both teams. I don’t care if you like them or not.

Worth Losing Your Head Over?

May 20, 2005 -- A driver's head was torn off by a roadway support column in The Bronx yesterday as he leaned out of his minivan's window to see if he could fit between the post and a truck, police said.
The man, not immediately identified, was driving east on East 167th Street at about noon when he tried to squeeze past a Department of Transportation truck at a construction site at the end of an underpass below the Grand Concourse.
Police had spotted the minivan going at a high rate of speed after it hit four parked cars before sweeping into the underpass.
As he entered the tunnel, the driver failed to slow down while trying to squeeze between the truck and the upright.
Police said he stuck his head out the window to see if he had enough room and was decapitated. Larry Celona
and Thomas Liddy

--- New York Post 5/20/2005


"Damn St. Peter, I thought a could make it!"

Are you HIPPA?

Update on the Chiro Merry-Go-Round.

Called yesterday to follow up my written request for patient records. Spoke to the receptionsist, she said she'd speak to the D.C. and that he'd be back in 15 minutes. No call back.

Called today to see whats up.

Me: Good Morning this is Pete ______. I called yesterday about my daughters patient records....
Receptionist: Oh, I'm sorry I didn't call back, I'm finding out if we need a written request for the records, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. I've got a call into __________ to see if we can do that.
Me: I know you can do that, I'm looking at the staute right now under general provisions of the Rules of the Board of Regents, part 29 , statute 29.1, section 7 that states " Failing to make available to a patient or client, upon request, copies of documents in the possession or under the control of the licensee whick have been prepared for and paid for by the patient or client;
Does that sum some stuff up for you guys?
Receptionist: Ok, but I'm only in until 3 today so I don't know if my call will come back today, but I'll definately call you tomorrow.
Me: That will be fine, but I'd like for you to tell me that you have everything ready for me to pick up tomorrow because I really do need to have this information.
Receptionist: I'll definately call you today or tomorrow.
Me: Thank you, because I really don't want to have to reschedule that appointment on Monday.
Receptionist: Are you taking her to a different Chiropractor?
Me: Oh no! I'm taking her records to another professional whose tittle ends with an"R." Have a good day.

Vehicle and Traffic Law? What the Hell is That?

Remember when you first got your license and had to read a book and take a test to get your Learners Permit? It tells you things like there are STOP signs, they are red and octagonal, and say "STOP" or "HALT" or "ARRET" depending on which country you reside in. In the last four days, I've seen these wonderful examples of why we need to give those books out again.

1) A garbage truck holding up a police car for two city blocks as the cop blinks every light on the car and has the siren operate in every possible way. Short of shooting the driver, I don't know how else he could have gotten his attention.

2) A school bus with kids in it, pulls out in front of me after the driver looks at me, thinks about it, thinks about it some more, and then pulls out, causing me to lock up the right front brake, like a Nascar driver behind a 15 car pile up.

3) A driver making a right on red beeping at the pedestrian in the crosswalk. Then giving the pedestrian te finger.

4) People passing in the breakdown lane on the interstate.

5) A guy in a truck commandeering my lane as he talks on the cell phone.

6) A woman running into the back of another car as she puts on her makeup. (here's hoping she poked her eye out too!)

No joke all this was in the past week. Oh yeah I forgot #7. That is the guy who was reading a book while driving in three lanes of traffic with many, many stoplights.

Maybe it was better in 1880, but maybe it wasn't, but somehow I think Pa Ingalls would have moved his wagon over if Doc Baker was in a hurry.

A Neverending Saga (Like Star Wars)

Complain…. Complain…. Complain……
That is exactly what I’m going to do right now. I’m going to complain incessantly, complain throughout this entire entry.

I’m reverting back to my rant regarding “people who think they are smart, but really aren’t.” Why is that? Are people too politically correct to tell other people that they are stupid? I think that you are doing others a disservice when you let them believe that they are smart when they are truly dumb. Of course, you come off looking like a jerk for telling the truth, but hey, when does the truth really get you in trouble anyway. Lies- they cause trouble.

Anyhow, back to another post regarding the chiropractor. If you have read it, then you know that I have stated my opinion on the subject to the parties involved. I get a letter from said “doctor” a few days later. He says things like “the child does not live up to her full health potential,” and “ using a child as a pawn is not a way to improve a difficult (I’m divorced dumbass) marriage.”

I send back a letter requesting “medical” records from them and state that “ using children as pawns is a despicable practice employed by desperate people,” and “to bring that into the equation is an insult to me as a father and I find it unprofessional on your part.” I also state that I would do anything for my daughter, but I see no benefit in this type of care.

Will he shoot back? Surely. I see this stuff going on for a long time.

Am I tiring of this stuff? Yes I am. Will I stop? Nope. I want to see this rectified. Do I have a file six inches thick with information about this stuff? You bet. Why? Because I am not stupid. Why else? Cause I can be a real jerk and feel like being one.

Itty Bitty

Happy Birthday “Little Beet.” Daddy loves you honey.

WTF I SAY!!

Happy November! Oh wait, it's May. Funny- feels an awful lot like November. Welcome to dreary "Seattle East Coast" region. F'ing bullshit.

"I Saw the Witchdoctor, He Told Me What to Do, He Said "Ew E AH HA HA TING TANG CAHINGG CAHINGG CAHINGG!"

I’ve been doing some research on the Chiropractic field, purely for selfish reasons. My daughter goes to a Chiropractor for “adjustments” for “subluxations” in her spine. The Ciropractor (DC) states that while her medical diagnosis is childhood asthma, he does not concur, and that her issues are linked to these so called “subluxations.” I would do anything for my daughter, but I don’t like this idea, hence my research.

I’ve seen a lot of literature on this subject. If you Google the topic, I’d say 9 of 10 sites supports the case of the Chiropractic field. From reading the contents of these sites, I can safely say that they all say the same thing. “Chiropractic care is beneficial, subluxations block nerve impulses and thus contribute to the body, which is a wonderous machine, to become unable to repair itself, which is its goal. While only the body can heal itself, the Chiropractor can help it through their assistance.” Sounds good right? All of the “owners” of these websites expressing their supreme confidence in the profession were from Chiropractors or Chiropractic Practices or foundations or associations and also an occasional testimonial from a satisfied client. So there is one side of the story.

The 1 site out of 10 that I found to be on the negative or at least questioning the validity of these claims were written by doctors in mainstream medicine or people who had had a bad experience or had done some type of research and didn’t like what they found. They had some interesting stories and pointed to research and findings from medical journals and the scientific community. But who was correct and who was just “selling their trade,” because both sides don’t exactly get along.

I had to opportunity to meet my daughters Chiropractor this past week, and while I had my reservations about taking her there for a “scan,” I did just that, partly because her mother feels that she should have this care. I had already done some reading up on the subject, so I felt like I had at least a working knowledge of the practice. The DC came in and introduced himself, he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and was “sleeping” in his car out in front of the office when I walked up. The receptionist was kind enough to wake him up. He spoke to my daughter, who will be 2 shortly, and seemed nice enough. He told me to take off her shirt and sit her on a stool, which I did. I asked him “what are you doing FOR my daughter?” He said that he was “scanning her for temperature abnormalities that would signal a blockage (subluxation-you see I did my reading prior and didn’t tell him that) that requires him to adjust her spine.” I said that I didn’t ask about the test, but rather what is he doing to make her well. He launched into a well rehearsed spiel and used a nice poster to show me the Autonomous Nervous System and that we are vertebrates and that we require Chiropractic care to maintain a healthy life. I thought to myself, “Wow, how did I make it to this age without dropping dead?” He went on to say that all nerve impulses travel along the spine and that these blockages interrupt these impulses and that that is the root cause of illness. Now I was truly amazed, I mean, why aren’t these Chiropractors canonized?

My bullshit meter had just about reached its limit, but I let him continue, but I prompted him to speak in regards to my daughters pulmonary function. He again said that this is related to these subluxations, and that he was working on correcting this. I asked why she wasn’t improving and he said two things that irked me. One was that her care had been “interrupted” because of insurance problems. The second was that, he believes that she is better. Excuse me? I, her father, said that she is NOT better. I, unlike others, am skeptical of this practice and want to know just exactly what the fuck it is that you do. I digress, my response to him was that if he felt so strongly about his services and skills, why didn’t he simply continue her treatment while the insurance issue was settled? He had no answer. I said, So, it’s about making money?” He said that all people deserve to make money. True enough. I asked him how long it would take him to address my daughters so called problem. He said, “however long it takes.” No timetable. Opened ended. Hmmmm.

I prompted some more. “I understand that the visceral functions are controlled by nerves that are essentially at the base of the skill, and that they leave the spinal column very close to the base of the skull, so you adjusting her back does nothing.” Not so according to the DC. “Christopher Reeve died of heart disease, not from breaking his neck.” Apparently, I am supposed to gather from this that Christopher Reeve died because nerve impulses we blocked from traveling up and down his spine, so his body couldn’t naturally fight to correct the problem. Please! I said, “Christopher Reeve died from pressure wounds cause by prolonged periods of being in the same position. Many people die of the same cause, some because they are old and can’t move so freely. It happens that way.” Many cancer patients die of congestive heart failure as a result of their cancer. The cancer killed them by overwhelming their heart and lungs. If I wanted to do an experiment and just do what he did every day, but did it willingly, my muscles would atrophy, I would develop infections, I would have serious problems and I would die. Where is my spinal column compromised?

I had had enough. I told the DC, “we are just going to have to agree to disagree.” He told me that I was “uneducated” and that he could “educate” me. “Educate” means “brainwash” and I’m not for that. He said that he adjusts his kids and I said “that’s great, I’m sure you believe it helps.” He said that “all vertebrates should be adjusted, dogs, cats, etc..” Yeah- if a dog could pull out a wallet he probably would adjust it. He asked me if I wanted the interpretation of my daughters scan, which was for the insurance company, and I said, “ No, I’m sure it is in your favor.” He could probably scan a brick and find a cause to adjust it. He again asked me if I wanted to be “educated” and I again said no. I told my daughter to say goodbye and we left.

I got out to the car and thought about the article I had read and how it had said that the DC would tell me all of what I had just heard. That this technique was part of “practice building” and that it is designed to make entire families “lifetime clients.” Meaning that these people who like to be treated like cattle think they feel better when they go to the Chiropractor. Case study I’d love to do: Two rooms, two patients, both “lifetime clients” one DC and one actor. Bet they both feel better as they emerge from the office. Bet they are both “invigorated, have a bounce in their step, look younger, blah, blah, blah.”

Now this is my opinion, I haven’t done a scientific study, but others have. The New England Journal of Medicine amongst others concluded that, “ in children with mild or moderate asthma, the addition of chiropractic spinal manipulation to usual medical care provided no benefit.” (New England Journal of Medicine, 1998; 339: 1013-20). My conclusion is that this is a sham. Spinal adjustment and the subluxation theory is all based on the almighty dollar.

I’ll leave you with this:

Dr. Daniel David Palmer is credited with “discovering” subluxation theory.

Here is a quote from his son B.J Palmer in 1952.

Question: What are the principal functions of the spine?
Answer: To support the head, to support the ribs, to support the Chiropractor.

-----B.J. Palmer, Answers (1952)

“Wow,” a quote from me-today, right now.

Why Complain?

I'm wondering why some people feel the need to complain when they seemingly have it all. Not enough this, too much of that, pay too much for this, not enough for that, bladdahbladdah blah blah blah. You could have a headache like I do right now, that is totally stress induced because I'm am trying to overcome your mistakes and errors. What do I see from this? My salary, which isn't low, but isn't worth putting up with this B.S. either. I think I'd like to have a mindless job somewhere. Maybe I could work at the Chamber of Commerce.

Echoing Thoughts of the Inane

Derek has a great entry on his blog at http://blog.megacity.org about our hometown of Saugerties. Seems an Indian Tribe would like to build a casino on the vacant tract of land that Woodstock '94 took place on. Townspeople as Derek correctly points out are all torqued up about this. Again, we smack up against this price of progress thing. I'm not an advocate of unregulated development here, but I am a proponent for progress. Saugerties and Ulster County are dying a slow death. Look around... see much? See any large company wanting to relocate to the county? See anything going up besides senior or low rent housing to cover for the boom in both populations because industry can't support high salaries.

What you see is the same old shit, cyclical and unyielding. This guy is the mayor and then some clone comes in and takes his place, with a few exceptions. This place comes in and says that they are going to employ 500 locals and then ends up employing 50 and going away after they get their first tax bill. What has been added? What has been taken away? Probably equal amounts.
I have lived other places and do not see the same issues. Why?

Could You Put my Shoes Under the Sheet?

From: Pope John Paul II
To: All Cardinals in Rome and Followers
Re: My Shoes

Gentlemen:
As if it isn't bad enough that you allow pictures to be taken of my dead body, but could you please cover up my feet, they are sticking out and look really silly.

Piously Yours,

DA BOMB DIGGITY

It is 70 Degrees!?

They said it would be, but I didn't believe them. I was wrong. It's beautiful out.

Remember that Post?

Remember my post from awhile back about the guy in Home Depot? The one that looked like a flaccid pecker? I saw another guy today, but his nose looked like one. Seriously, this guys nose looked just like a prick. He was an older guy, if he has grandkids, I bet they laugh at his nose. I'm sure he could get it fixed. He was shopping with his wife. She doesn't notice that his nose is suspiciously structured like a dick? I wonder is she calls him dick face when he pisses her off?

Local Radio Personality

Funny moment on the way in:

Local radio station morning dude says, " Isn't it ironic that the Pope dies and then we have these huge floods?" Sidekick says, " yeah, kind of eerie." He says, " I mean this is like of biblical proportions."

Are you kidding me? What kind of dickhead are you?

There were equally destructive floods in the same area(s) 50 years ago. There was horrendous flooding in California months ago. There are floods all the time, there are earthquakes all the time, fires, tsunamis (less frequently), and how about that asteriod or comet that will hit the Earth again? I guess a Pope will die on that day too you fucking retard.

It is too bad that the Pope died, he did a lot of good, but he was an old man and bound by the same earthly forces that we all are. You are born, you age, you die. Hopefully, you've left a mark. I'm sure a man as great as the Pope has left his mark on the world.

You, Mr. Radio Personality, cheapen the legacy through your own idiocy. People died as a direct result of these floods and you somehow link it with the death of a religious icon? You are an Asshat. They should change your name to "Douchebag in the Morning." IDIOT.

"I Say A It's No Fun Bein' An Illegal Alien"

I was in a good mood yesterday. I saw some trees starting to show signs of getting green, the sun came out, it was pleasantly mild, I was going to pick up the kids, I was happy for obvious reasons, things were good. Well things still are good, stuff like I’m about to mention wont wreck that, I still appreciate the springtime and the good, but my happiness was interrupted at about 3:25 yesterday.

I stopped behind 3 or 4 cars that had stopped for a school bus. About 3 seconds after I stopped, I got smacked in the ass end by a minivan. “Ok,” I said, “these things happen. You’re not hurt and the kids aren’t in the car.” I got out, nobody else was hurt, so I look at my car. Cosmetic damage, probably about 2K, best guess.

There are 2 guys in the other car, from Mexico. They ask me what we’re supposed to do. Red Flag. I say “we get the police to take a report.” They look at each other. Red Flag. I call the police and about 20 minutes later a car arrives. Cop looks at them, looks at me, takes me to the front of my car and says, “what happened?” I tell him just like above, you can see the impact point about 15 feet back from where I pulled off, clear cut. He takes my license and tells me to stay in from of the car. He goes to these guys, the passenger has no ID, the driver has a Mexican Passport and nothing else from what I can gather. The cop goes back to his car for about 10 minutes, gets out and asks this guy for his birthdate, goes back to the car. Gets out 5 minutes later and says, “how long have you been here?” Guy says something and the cop says “ well you have no NYS license, you have suspensions on whatever this is, are there any warrants out for you?” Then he turns to the other guy and says, “ you better be who you say you are, you’re both illegally here, and you had best call somebody to come and pick up this vehicle, because you are not going home tonight.” At this time a State Police car pulls up and the two officers confer about some stuff. The cop come up to me and gives me a card and case number, say I might as well go because they would be there for a few hours.

I call the insurance company this morning, no big deal, no fault, won’t affect me in any way, but it affects all of us because these guys probably don’t have shit for any sort of coverage and it will come out of the uninsured fund. I actually felt bad for the dude for a minute, but nah.. Up his!

So this douchebag will hopefully get sent back to his country and then he can apply to come here like he is supposed to. Me, I have a scratched up car, but I’m cool. Six months ago--- I would have tore his throat out, but… I’ll roll with it.

Your Horse Just Got AssF'd

Hey,Hey,Hey now.....

I'm sorry that all the air is coming out of your balloon. Forgive me as I walk over here and LAUGH MY ASS OFF.

Betcha that call shriveled your pecker Mr. Samonsonite Man.

Pete Goes High Road AGAIN

XXXXX XX, 2005

RE: XXXXX-- XXXXXXXX-XXXXXXX

XXXXXX Tribunal
Archdiocese of XXXXXXX
XXXXX Street
XXXXXXXXXXX, XX XXXXX

To Whom It May Concern:


I am writing in response to the above mentioned request for information regarding the validity of a marriage between myself and my former spouse. Let me assure the tribunal, that there was, in fact, a valid marriage and that there was a great amount of forethought involved in the decision to marry. The fact that this “lack of due discretion” loophole exists is a farce.

My former spouse was a big believer in “my way or the highway” and she used that principle to her advantage. Instead of working through issues or problems, she turned her back on them and blamed everyone else for the problem, refusing to discuss the issue any further. When we went to see a therapist, when the therapist disagreed with her or said that maybe she contributed to this problem, my former spouse summarily dismissed their opinion or accused me of lying to the therapist. Lying to a therapist is counterproductive in my eyes.

Whereas I felt the prolonged need to try and “work” at my marriage, my former spouse also felt the need to make me “work” at it while she did nothing to nurture it. She demonstrated a distinct lack of respect towards me both in private and in public, witnessed not only by my family, but also by the members of her immediate family. It is my belief, and it was instilled in me by my parents, that marriage is a compromise and a partnership in all things. If someone cannot work or loses his or her job, then the other person works to keep that person going until they can get back up. That is my view of marriage. Cooperation, trust, love, helping and nurturing, that is what it means to me.

However, since this tribunal will convene and a member will make a decision based on testimony given by my former spouse, and people who she felt would have the most “beneficial” answers, I fully expect a ruling in her favor that she had a “lack of due discretion.” However, I must state at this time that your process if flawed. My former spouse sent a request for a written statement to my mother with the directions that it be returned to her. Obviously, it would be discarded by my former spouse when the answers weren’t consistent with the image she is trying to portray and she is a talented actress. When they chose to not participate for that reason, my former spouse went on so far as to request that my father not be allowed to visit his grandchildren at their daycare, which is located in the building that he works in. Once again, a punitive reaction to not getting what she wanted, a common theme throughout our union.

I am not interested in testifying in front of a member of the tribunal. I ask that you please find that that there was not a valid marriage between us “due to her lack of due discretion.” Use that loophole, so she can pursue whatever course she desires in her life. I find this entire process repugnant and it reeks of hypocrisy. I am, quite honestly, at this point ashamed to be a Catholic. I no longer wish to be associated with my former spouse in anyone’s eyes, including the Catholic Church. I am bound to continue my relationship with my former spouse only through my two children, who are both gifts and will serve as a constant reminder of a marriage that “lacked due discretion.”

I do not wish to be contacted, nor do I want any of my family members contacted, regarding this matter. I do not want the contents of this letter shared with my former spouse and I expect that my response to this request for information remain confidential. I only ask that you expedite my request and grant this annulment and notify me of the outcome. The facts of what happened and what ultimately led to the disintegration of our marriage are known and were witnessed by those who need to know, including whatever Higher Power there is.

Please respect my wishes and only contact me when a decision is reached.


Sincerely,


XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cell Towers

I read in the local rag newspaper, better used to wrap rancid meat than to get the news, that there is a balloon test this Friday to see if the proposed height for a cell tower will have a profound effect on the "visual beauty" of the area. I already posted about this on the "Price of Progress or Apathy" post from awhile back, but I'm going to reissue my stance on this.

This cell tower will be 140 feet tall. It will be located near Woodstock, NY. This is the same Woodstock, NY that allowed a television station erect a television transmission tower on top of a mountain, not a hill, but a mountain. You can see the red lights on it from 50 miles away. Do I care about that? Not really. We needed a local station at the time. This tower is substantially smaller than that TV tower and it isn't going on a mountain.

It seems to be vogue to fight all these things and throw up roadblocks to all this things. There are so many "dead spots" in cellular service throughout this "Tech Valley" corridor, that you might as well pull over and light a fire to send a smoke signal. But then we'd be polluting the air and they'd put up a "Stop Polluting Our Air" sign.

While were on that kick, let me say something. I'm not for progress at the price of the environment and I am not an unabashed advocate of tearing down old buildings or polluting the water. As a matter of fact, I recently questioned one of those "stop the (add name in here now)" signs. The answer that I was given was (finally) a good one. They want to build a mine, but its in a very scenic area and is close to some water supplies, some of which directly or indirectly serve about 8.5 million people, last time I checked. As we know from experience, mines and water supplies don't really go together too well. I'd be opposed that just for those two reasons and I'm sure there are more than that.

I like old buildings, but just because the buiding is old does not make it a candidate for historic preservation. I think people just want to maintain the status quo and say "oh when I was young..." Well, maybe your old now, but you can yank out a cell phone when you have chest pains or you can get your wheelchair into the Post Office, because the new one doesnt have 55 steps in front. Or maybe, just maybe, you've lived to this ripe old age, because some plant in Indiana makes the petroleum derived plastic and rubber that is in the valve that was implanted in your left ventricle last fall. What do you think of that?

Obligatory National Interest Weigh In

I’m going to weigh in on a national story. This is my opinion and my opinion only. If you don’t want to read my opinion, stop now. You can disagree with me all you want. It wont change my opinion.
Here are the nuts and bolts of this story:
“Terri Schiavo suffered severe brain damage 15 years ago when her heart briefly stopped due to a possible potassium imbalance. Her husband, Michael Schiavo, has battled for years against her parents over whether the woman should be kept alive through a feeding tube or be allowed to die.
On Friday the feeding tube was removed at Michael Schiavo's request and on a Florida judge's order. On Monday, following Congress' actions, Schiavo's parents, Bob and Mary Schindler, asked U.S. District Judge James Whittemore to order that the tube be reinserted. Whittemore did not immediately make a decision.”
Is there a chance that this woman will “snap” out of this vegetative state? Seems unlikely to me, but things like rising from the “dead” have happened in the past. What would her quality of life be upon “waking up?” Well, I’ve only seen one guy wake up from a prolonged coma and go on to not only survive, but go on to kick at least 75 people’s asses, and that was a Steven Segal movie and we all know that fat Buddhist is full of shit. All kidding aside, brain damage does not just simply reverse itself, this woman cannot expect any quality of life. What were her wishes? Did she have a DNR? Surely not- correct me if I’m wrong and I’ll admit it.
I’m sure her parents and her husband have her best interests in mind, but they disagree what they are. So the courts are involved and the congress is involved and we see this everyday and that there will be a precedent set and issues that will arise… and blah,blah,blah,blahditty, blah,blah.
Have you seen this poor woman on TV? Do you think that that is dignified? Do you think fighting in court over a tube that provides her with nourishment like fructose and dextrose and crap like that, is dignified? I can’t think of a worse place to be than trapped in a damaged body with a damaged brain. Why would you want this person to be trapped in a purgatory like that? I imagine that you can see my stance.
Make the hard decision that has to be made. Surely all medical options are ruled out for recovery short of miracles, with no brain the body is just a vessel. Seems more like a prison to me. Let her go.
In my will, it will state my wishes, so this doesn’t happen to me.

Lights Flashing Only to go to LUNCH?

I was out on the street today. As I was walking I saw a police car approach an intersection, it had the red light, the driver flipped on the lights and pulled a u-turn. I assumed that they saw someone do something wrong. They went down the street half a block turned off the lights, parallel parked and turned off the car. They went into the local deli and ordered lunch. How do I know this? I went in behind them. They got their food, did they pay? NO.

Now, the side of the police car says 'Community Policing" on it. Is avoiding a traffic signal device by putting on your emergency lights community policing? No. Actually, to be technical, it is a violation of the Vehicle and Traffic Law and you get a ticket for it. Thats not my point though. My point is simple. To gain trust and respect in the community, it would be important to carry yourself in a way that would inspire the same. That would mean waiting for the light to change or going around the block and it would mean telling the deli owner- thanks but no thanks this time. Now these weren't beat cops either. One was a seargent and one was a detective.

Either way they were stupid and their actions reflected poorly on their department. Did I say something? No. Did I call the department to complain? No. Why? Because I have a respect for the job they have to do, but do their actions inspire confidence or a feeling that they would be fair in any dealings? No. I guess that is where the problem lies.

If I was your average Main St. denizen I wouldn't want to call them for help. Most of them were probably too whacked on crank to notice them making an illegal u-turn to get their free lunch. I saw it though. Impressions take awhile to fade.

It's Called Being an Adult

So now I’m really going to bellyache about something that is really pissing me off. Then I’m never going to speak about it in this forum again.

Children are not pawns. They are children and should be treated as such. When one speaks about someone else in a derogatory manner in front of a child, the child will understand this and follow along. If you badmouth the other parent in front of the children, you are essentially badmouthing half of each of those children. This is not right, fair or even close to anything appropriate. Non verbal communication is just as bad if not worse than the words. If you slam the door in someone’s face, expect that someday that same door will be slammed in your face by the child that witnessed that transgression. Would you want your child to learn that if they don’t get their way that it is alright to slam the door in someone’s face? I doubt it.

Don’t play silly games like that. Don’t communicate through the children. Don’t talk shit. Just be quiet and say nothing. If you are unhappy with yourself, fix it. They shouldn’t bear that burden, they are only kids.

The Samsonite Monkey

There is a temper tantrum going on downstairs, perpetuated by a 45+ year old male, who thinks everything is always inherently unfair. I can imagine that he is throwing himself around on the ground right now like a 3 year old chimpanzee (my second primate reference today, I know) and that he would probably fling his own poop around if he had a load in his pants.

As I sit here and can hear this tantrum going on, all I can do is laugh because the thought of a 45 year old man flinging his own feces around is funny as hell.

Steroids and Baseball vs. Congress

Congress has decided to subpeona some baseball players to testify, Giambi, Sosa, McGwire, Canseco, Palmeiro, probably a few more.

Canseco said he'll testify for immunity, Sosa said he won't go (though his agent will probably make him change his tune), Palmeiro feels he's being picked on. Well boo fucking hoo, you group of dicks are playing a kids game for millions of dollars and are possibly juicing yourselves up to boot. Sammy Sosa should go or risk getting deported back to his beloved island. Hell, if I was a Senator, I'd call Palmeiro to the stand just to ask him what the hell made him become a pitch man for Viagra, but maybe that makes other unintended muscles grow too, or you have to take it because the steroids turn your nuts into raisins. Canseco, dude- you should be breaking rocks in San Quentin just for being a deliberate asshole.

How come "Teflon Barry" doesn't get called on the stand? What the hell is that? Whether or not he did or didn't, he should get called. He was implicated in BALCO for Christs' sake.

Now I don't want to just pick on baseball. Its a good sport. I mean where else can you pitch 6 innings, then drink a 6 pack in the clubhouse before going out to a diner and getting your teeth punched out because your not really an athlete but rather a fat pig and get paid a lot of money for it? True, you must be blessed with a good arm to be able to pitch a ball that fast. Some players are only good because of the hard work they put in, but some have natural talent that is wasted by their own stupidity or distinct lack of judgement (See Darryl Strawberry).

All I can say is that these guys should go before the committee and be made to tell the truth. They'll all plead the fifth unless someone surprises me and acts like a stand up man. Maybe we should have female teams?

Sacred in Home Depot

I saw a guy today that looked just like a flaccid penis. It was in Home Depot and I got scared and ran away.

Speaking of scary people, there is a doctor at a place that I used to work at for 5 years that looks like a cross between an orangutan and Jabba the Hut. His kids look just like him. Ugh.

She's a Bitch

Just thought I'd tell y'all.

Push it Into the Wall

It has been pointed out to me (by several people) that I haven’t blogged in quite awhile. I wasn’t at work for a few days and then returned to the usual pile of crap. This morning when I come into work, and I came in early to get stuff done before the idiot crew arrives, the computer wont work right. Hmmm- it worked fine on Friday. So I followed the things that the computer told me to do, hit esc, remove the device, relocate it, etc… Still the same stuff. So I smack it and push it into the wall. Lo and behold, it works fine now. I apologize for my outburst. I have issues when I leave things in working order and return to find them not working properly. Now I’m not anal about things at home, work or anywhere, except maybe the car at times, but if you come into work to knock some work out and the simplest stuff doesn’t work, how’s that set the tone for the day? Fortunately for me, I was set straight by someone who knows what they are talking about, so now that this f’ing computer works, it’s not so bad.

Stupid Groundhog

I haven’t blogged yet this week. It’s been one of those weeks, hard to get the train moving so to speak. Work is slow, I try to stir things up a little, get some new stuff going, but honestly, I don’t give a damn about work this week. I’ll catch up next week. I’ve made money this week for the company anyway, I’m closing a good deal tomorrow morning at 9, that’s what happens with me at least regarding work, when I don’t try, I succeed. Go figure.

Anyway, I’m getting that “tired of winter” feeling. I’m sure that it will be alleviated a bit this weekend by going to Atlanta, but we do come back after all. I figure that we have a month left before we get some good weather and I cant wait. I’m looking for some sounds and colors, open up the windows and such. You know that first warm day when it might approach 65-70 degrees, when you can open the car windows? That’s what I’m waiting for.

That’s when the train will move and I’ll kick some asses.

Book vs. Street Smarts

I want to write a post about stupid people. If you get offended about posts that are written solely to degrade stupid people then by all means, stop reading this. I’d like to clarify that I have two definitions of stupid people. One definition is the person who is inherently stupid, like a cow that keeps walking into an electrified fence. The second definition is the person who could quote you the Encyclopedia, but has the common sense of a tree stump. Totally lacking in street smarts is what I’m saying. Our Secretary, Grimace, is the epitome of the first definition, she’d eat fried chicken while a paramedic was giving her CPR. I’m sure you all know people who fit the second definition, but I’ll give you an example in case you need one. A girl pulls up to a stoplight next to a guy in the other lane. He looks, she looks, he makes a lewd gesture using his hand and his mouth and drives away. She is left wondering why he told her ice cream cone in sign language.