So Not Me

I wrote a post offline last night, it was pretty long. It was about compassion and helping out other people. In essence what it said was that if you are my friend, you will know it and if you are not my friend, you will know that as well. Then it went on to say stuff like nobody wants to be considered a jerk, but that they also don’t want to fall into that “too nice” trap. Then, I junked it. Stupid post, I said. You have to practice what you preach and when was the last time you did something nice for someone? So I thought about it, and though there were a few times that I have done something nice for someone recently, there wasn’t anything that was distinguishing.

I wish I saved what I wrote on the hard drive, because today, I did it. I did something that I found to be distinguishing. It didn’t cost me anything, but time. What it did do was help somebody who probably would have managed just fine, but managed better with help. It wasn’t that I felt obligated to help or coaxed into it, I wanted to do it. Do I expect something in return? No. The only thing I would want is that if I am ever in the same position, someone would offer to help me out somehow.

It’s weird, and I had this conversation today- people don’t want to ask each other for help because they feel there are some strings attached or they have just stopped asking after getting trashed when they have asked in the past. If someone asked me to help them move the contents of their house, change a tire, for a ride to the repair shop- they’d get it. In 2004 I asked a lot of people for help, help listening to my saga or through asking for advice or through giving me reassurance. I also asked a few friends to help me move my stuff which wasn’t easy. When asked to help them I hope I adequately returned the favor. Now I’ve actually thought about volunteering to help out cooking holiday dinners and such, but decided against it, partially because that’s just not me, but the thought has crossed my mind and has crossed it more than once.

Now comes my last question. Is it wrong to think that you might be able to “lean” on friends when you need a crutch? I mean, if they are your friends, surely they wont mind you asking them for your help. If a friend needed a place to crash, a ride, a loan ( though not the best idea), bail or just to shoot their mouth off about something that burns their ass, almost anyone would help them out.

I’m just as guilty as a lot of people are. I get too caught up in my own crap, my own problems and I often ignore or dismiss some people. Sometimes I dismiss them summarily. That is wrong. People deserve to be treated with respect. My problem is that I have been treated with such blatant disrespect in the past that when I am treated with respect I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know that shoe, the one with the strings that I talked about above. It is half the reason that a woman doesn’t want a guy to pay for their dinner if they go out, because they feel as if there is a string attached. Some guys may think that way, but any guy with an ounce of respect for himself or a woman, would not expect that paying for dinner would entitle them to anything besides their company.

Ok- so I got off on a tangent. Listen to what I say. Treat people with respect or try too. You’ll get a reward- You’ll feel better about yourself.