"I Saw the Witchdoctor, He Told Me What to Do, He Said "Ew E AH HA HA TING TANG CAHINGG CAHINGG CAHINGG!"

I’ve been doing some research on the Chiropractic field, purely for selfish reasons. My daughter goes to a Chiropractor for “adjustments” for “subluxations” in her spine. The Ciropractor (DC) states that while her medical diagnosis is childhood asthma, he does not concur, and that her issues are linked to these so called “subluxations.” I would do anything for my daughter, but I don’t like this idea, hence my research.

I’ve seen a lot of literature on this subject. If you Google the topic, I’d say 9 of 10 sites supports the case of the Chiropractic field. From reading the contents of these sites, I can safely say that they all say the same thing. “Chiropractic care is beneficial, subluxations block nerve impulses and thus contribute to the body, which is a wonderous machine, to become unable to repair itself, which is its goal. While only the body can heal itself, the Chiropractor can help it through their assistance.” Sounds good right? All of the “owners” of these websites expressing their supreme confidence in the profession were from Chiropractors or Chiropractic Practices or foundations or associations and also an occasional testimonial from a satisfied client. So there is one side of the story.

The 1 site out of 10 that I found to be on the negative or at least questioning the validity of these claims were written by doctors in mainstream medicine or people who had had a bad experience or had done some type of research and didn’t like what they found. They had some interesting stories and pointed to research and findings from medical journals and the scientific community. But who was correct and who was just “selling their trade,” because both sides don’t exactly get along.

I had to opportunity to meet my daughters Chiropractor this past week, and while I had my reservations about taking her there for a “scan,” I did just that, partly because her mother feels that she should have this care. I had already done some reading up on the subject, so I felt like I had at least a working knowledge of the practice. The DC came in and introduced himself, he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and was “sleeping” in his car out in front of the office when I walked up. The receptionist was kind enough to wake him up. He spoke to my daughter, who will be 2 shortly, and seemed nice enough. He told me to take off her shirt and sit her on a stool, which I did. I asked him “what are you doing FOR my daughter?” He said that he was “scanning her for temperature abnormalities that would signal a blockage (subluxation-you see I did my reading prior and didn’t tell him that) that requires him to adjust her spine.” I said that I didn’t ask about the test, but rather what is he doing to make her well. He launched into a well rehearsed spiel and used a nice poster to show me the Autonomous Nervous System and that we are vertebrates and that we require Chiropractic care to maintain a healthy life. I thought to myself, “Wow, how did I make it to this age without dropping dead?” He went on to say that all nerve impulses travel along the spine and that these blockages interrupt these impulses and that that is the root cause of illness. Now I was truly amazed, I mean, why aren’t these Chiropractors canonized?

My bullshit meter had just about reached its limit, but I let him continue, but I prompted him to speak in regards to my daughters pulmonary function. He again said that this is related to these subluxations, and that he was working on correcting this. I asked why she wasn’t improving and he said two things that irked me. One was that her care had been “interrupted” because of insurance problems. The second was that, he believes that she is better. Excuse me? I, her father, said that she is NOT better. I, unlike others, am skeptical of this practice and want to know just exactly what the fuck it is that you do. I digress, my response to him was that if he felt so strongly about his services and skills, why didn’t he simply continue her treatment while the insurance issue was settled? He had no answer. I said, So, it’s about making money?” He said that all people deserve to make money. True enough. I asked him how long it would take him to address my daughters so called problem. He said, “however long it takes.” No timetable. Opened ended. Hmmmm.

I prompted some more. “I understand that the visceral functions are controlled by nerves that are essentially at the base of the skill, and that they leave the spinal column very close to the base of the skull, so you adjusting her back does nothing.” Not so according to the DC. “Christopher Reeve died of heart disease, not from breaking his neck.” Apparently, I am supposed to gather from this that Christopher Reeve died because nerve impulses we blocked from traveling up and down his spine, so his body couldn’t naturally fight to correct the problem. Please! I said, “Christopher Reeve died from pressure wounds cause by prolonged periods of being in the same position. Many people die of the same cause, some because they are old and can’t move so freely. It happens that way.” Many cancer patients die of congestive heart failure as a result of their cancer. The cancer killed them by overwhelming their heart and lungs. If I wanted to do an experiment and just do what he did every day, but did it willingly, my muscles would atrophy, I would develop infections, I would have serious problems and I would die. Where is my spinal column compromised?

I had had enough. I told the DC, “we are just going to have to agree to disagree.” He told me that I was “uneducated” and that he could “educate” me. “Educate” means “brainwash” and I’m not for that. He said that he adjusts his kids and I said “that’s great, I’m sure you believe it helps.” He said that “all vertebrates should be adjusted, dogs, cats, etc..” Yeah- if a dog could pull out a wallet he probably would adjust it. He asked me if I wanted the interpretation of my daughters scan, which was for the insurance company, and I said, “ No, I’m sure it is in your favor.” He could probably scan a brick and find a cause to adjust it. He again asked me if I wanted to be “educated” and I again said no. I told my daughter to say goodbye and we left.

I got out to the car and thought about the article I had read and how it had said that the DC would tell me all of what I had just heard. That this technique was part of “practice building” and that it is designed to make entire families “lifetime clients.” Meaning that these people who like to be treated like cattle think they feel better when they go to the Chiropractor. Case study I’d love to do: Two rooms, two patients, both “lifetime clients” one DC and one actor. Bet they both feel better as they emerge from the office. Bet they are both “invigorated, have a bounce in their step, look younger, blah, blah, blah.”

Now this is my opinion, I haven’t done a scientific study, but others have. The New England Journal of Medicine amongst others concluded that, “ in children with mild or moderate asthma, the addition of chiropractic spinal manipulation to usual medical care provided no benefit.” (New England Journal of Medicine, 1998; 339: 1013-20). My conclusion is that this is a sham. Spinal adjustment and the subluxation theory is all based on the almighty dollar.

I’ll leave you with this:

Dr. Daniel David Palmer is credited with “discovering” subluxation theory.

Here is a quote from his son B.J Palmer in 1952.

Question: What are the principal functions of the spine?
Answer: To support the head, to support the ribs, to support the Chiropractor.

-----B.J. Palmer, Answers (1952)

“Wow,” a quote from me-today, right now.