"I'll Have the Number Five, Hold the MSG."

I had this lovely experience in our parking lot the other day. I was bringing back a van. A truck was stopped and was blocking the road. I waited a few minutes, then decided I’d go around the block and enter at the other side. There was another truck blocking that part of the road. So I had to wait. A few minutes pass and the one truck moves so I can get into our lot, which is private, but has a shared entryway. Someone insists on parking on one side of the entryway, so it is tight. As I’m driving in the lady from the wig store (yes, the wig store) just absolutely HAS to walk out to the one truck out there, so to avoid hitting her I have to stop as she walks along the edge of the van. I then proceed into the lot, but I have to back up a bit because the van has a horrible turning radius. As I start to back up I check the mirror and see the same lady and this time with a guy walk right behind the van, so I apply the brakes again. Here is what transpired:

Me: Jesus Christ!
Guy: What?
Me: Don’t you see what I’m trying to do here?
Guy: Yeah!
Me: So why don’t you watch what you are doing? I had to stop for her on the ramp and now you walk right behind me?
Guy: Maybe you should watch what you are doing?
Me: Maybe you should go fuck yourself!
Guy: Well, you should watch out!
Me: I did, which is why I didn’t back over the two of you.
Guy: mumbling
Me: Do you have something to say? Say it! Say it now or shut the fuck up!
Guy: Why don’t you watch what you’re doing?
Me: Dick, look, I did watch, she was hellbent to get out of there and I had to wait, then you have to walk behind me like two assholes.
Guy: Well…
Me: Well nothing. Go inside and stuff it up your ass.
Woman: We just need to unload truck
Me: Great, super, go to work. Whatever.

I’m going to write a book. “The Joys of Work in the Armpit.”